Sanctuary: A Vehement Discourse

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


More crap to keep you occupied while I am in a funk.

1. What's your middle name : Laine
2. What color pants are you wearing right now? Black
3. What are you listening to right now: Trans-Siberian Orchestra (Christmas Canon)
4. What was the last thing you ate: um, mashed potatoes
5. If you were a crayon what color would you be: dark pink
6. How is the weather right now: tit bit nipply
7. Last person you talked to on the phone: Mave
8. First thing you notice about the opposite sex: smile
9. How are you today? I don't know
10. Favorite Drink: vanilla soy milk
11. Favorite sport: volleyball or golf
12. Hair Color: brown/blonde
13. Eye Color: blue
14. Do you wear contacts: when I am not sick
15. Siblings: sister Karlie, brother Justin
16. Favorite Month: October
17. Favorite Food(s): vegan (Tabouli, falafel, cous cous)
18. Last movie you watched: Kicking and Screaming
19. Favorite Day of the Year: DOn't have one.
20. Summer or Winter: neither
21. Hugs or Kisses: hugs
22. Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
23. Living Arrangements: moving
24. What books are you reading: Bible, and anything I am teaching to my students
25. What's on your mouse pad: don't use one anymore
26. Favorite Board Game: Clue
27. What did you do last night: passed out and didn't wake up.
28. Favorite Smells: JD, babies (not the stinky ones), the ocean
29. Can you touch your nose with your tongue: no, I have a short tongue
30. What inspires you: my family, art, music, people who fight despite odds.
31. What is the best vacation you have ever had? Portugal (and yes, I went there for more than two weeks. I was more like 4 months)

1. Pet Peeves: Weird women, drivers who pull out infront of me and make me slow down.

2. Favorite Sounds: music, laughing, kids giggling

3. Desk Items: On this desk...3-in-1 printer, monitor, tower, candle, new spinbrush, phone, kleenex box, cd's, pen, hemp necklace, ring, mini disk player, JD's army beret, a tack of blank dvd's, headphones, cologne.

4. Biggest Fears: losing my loved ones

5. Biggest Challenges: teaching

6. Newest 'Toys': um, I don't buy toys. I am more of a book person.

7. Most Used Words: oh ok

8. Most misspelled Words: then and than. I ALWAYS mess them up, and I was an English major.

9. Favorite Cartoon Characters: Family Guy

10. Your Homepage: Google

First best friend: Lisa Essegern
First car: '95 Cavalier
First real kiss: Eric
First break-up: Sean Adams, when I was 16
First self purchased album: Rebecca St. James
First enemy: I don't really have any
First music you remember hearing in your house: Gospel

Last kiss: JD about 10 minutes ago
Last good cry: yesterday
Last library book checked out: Ihaven't been to the libary in ages. I go to Chapters/Indigo and buy my books
Last beverage drank: Iced Cappuccino
Last food consumed: potatoes
Last crush: JD, he's not really a crush though
Last phone call: Mave
Last time showered: this morning
Last annoyance: umm, this afternoon my students got on my nerves
Last time wanting to die: personal, nevermind.

Boy's names: Elijah, and Benjamin
Girl's names: Abigail, Skye, Sophia
Subjects in school: English, history, biology
Animals: kitties

Given anyone a bath? yes
Smoked? yes
Bungee jumped? Nope
Made yourself throw up? yes
Skinny dipped? not answering
Been in love? Yes
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? maybe when I was little, yes.
Pictured your crush naked? Yes
Actually seen your crush naked? heh.
Been rejected? probably
Rejected someone? yeah

Understanding: I think so, I try to be
Open-minded: to some things, yes
Arrogant: not that I know of. Am I?
Insecure: Definately
Moody: When I haven't had anything to eat for a while.
Organized: YES. overly.
Bored easily: no
Obsessed: with a few things. Lipgloss to name one
Disappointed: yes
Happy: with JD yes. Otherwise I am not very happy.

Kill: Kenny (from South Park, don't get all worried now).
Slap: no one really
Look like: Charlize Theron
Talk to offline: anyone
Talk to online: doesn't matter

Coke or Pepsi: neither
Flowers or candy: flowers
Tall or short: Tall

Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: maybe for 5 minutes (ask me when I am in labour)
Wish you were younger: nope

Of guys I've kissed: maybe 4 or 5
Of girls I've kissed: ha
posted by ria at 6:16 PM | link

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Thursday, October 13, 2005

Mezzanine Floor

Last night I drank coffee. I drank this coffee pretty late. I drank this coffee pretty late because I an stupid. Tonight its sugar. Tonight I have sugar and red food colouring pumping through my system. I am talk/typing in short sentences because my mind is thinking in short sentences. I don't want to say that I am going crazy, but I may soon have to admit it.
Ok, I'm going crazy. There, the moment you've all been waiting for. I admitted it, and yes, yes it does feel good to finally be out if denial. I feel like I am in some sort of metamorphical stage. Not saying that I will morph into an animal or some super, freaky, alien, berserk creature or anything. Just saying I feel like I am inbetween what once was, and what is to come. Mezzanine floor, as I titled this post, is basically along the lines of how I feel. This is the first few rows of a theatre. The part where no one wants to sit for fear of a strained neck, blown ear drums, and some icky guy standing on the tier above with gross gel in his hair in the rain (if it is an out door theatre), having that icky gel drip down on you. You can tell I am speaking from literal experience. The mezzanine floor is where it is the loudest. Picture yourself at a U2 concert, or the Transiberian Orchestra concert. The sounds coming forth are beautiful, but the intensity causes such a verberation in your body that you feel sick, want to throw up, put your head in your hands, want to scream, weep, etc. You are in the middle. All the action is flying at you, and behind you is observation. You have to stay there because you paid for the damn ticket, you're stuck. The guy beside you smells like Old Spice and cigars, and your husband is sitting beside you. You wonder if everyone on this stage feels the same way. You then realize your husband was right, you should have went to see the ballet. You should have signed up for something less...intense, less dramatic. Intermission comes, but that just causes a flood of more chaos, and the voices, the rumble of voices, you can't make out a single word that is said, but you can hear.
This is where I am. Inbetween good and evil, yes and no, country and city, death and life.

...I need to finish my A&W Root Beer.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Untitled Hymn

There is nothing I have to say. I know I have to post, I will post, but there is nothing to say that I care to actually say. I've stared at a guitar finger slide, and a bobby pin, concentrating, hoping for some inspiration. I haven't any luck. My day has inspired me to lash out irrationally. I haven't done that yet. I probably won't. My students have inspired me to get a different job.
My day was long. My energy is spent. I even downed some iron pills and milk thistle today. Hopefully they will kick in soon, get my energy up to a normal level. Someone said I should check my thyroid. Really, I think some parents should teach their children how to behave and treat their teachers with respect. We wouldn't have a problem then, would we? Maybe next year's class will be better? Who knows.
Keith Urban is coming to Hamilton in November. I just checked out tickets ($52.50CDN!!!!). I am so going to that concert. Anyways.
Um, I really have nothing to post.

1. Smoked cigarettes. – yes, and never will again
2. Smoked a cigar - yes, a wine and rum flavoured one. Actually not the whole thing
3. Broken a CD – yep, I went and broke everything that I couldn't confidentally listen to without feeling bad.
4. Crashed a friend's car - no, not that I am aware of?
5. Stolen a car – yes, but it was a friends, and it was a joke.
6. Been in love - yes, and enjoying being there right now.
7. Been dumped - once, and I was thrilled. I had no idea how to dump the guy. He was my first boyfriend. I was young. I m ade his life horrible until he dumped me.
8. Shoplifted - nope. I'm a good girl.
9. Been fired - nope, you want me to work for you. I'm Awesome!!
10. Been in a fist fight - I initiated a few when I was younger, believe it or not.
11. Snuck out of your house - yeah, we won't go there.
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back - No
13. Been arrested - No. Oh man, I am thinking of a few funny stories, some badassed girl told me.
14. Made out with a stranger - No, strange people maybe.
15. Gone on a blind date - No, I've always been able to see my dates. Heh
16. Lied to a friend - no
17. Had a crush on a teacher - Yes, in University. I won't share which English prof it was.
18. Skipped school - No. BROWN NOSER!!!
19. Slept with a co-worker - heck no! I waited until after I quit.
20. Seen someone die - no
21. Been on a plane - Yep, loved it. Just hated the airports
22. Thrown up in a bar - I don't do bars, however I did throw up in the bathroom. What a story.
23. Taken painkillers – yep.
24. Love someone or miss someone right now - yes, a lot actually. A lot.
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by – yep. When I was a kid.
26. Made a snow angel - yeah, recently, too!
27. Played dress up - NEver
28. Cheated while playing a game – yes
29. Been lonely – often, usually when I am surounded by people.
30. Fallen asleep at work/school – yep!!
31. Used a fake id – I still have to use a fake ID. They think my real ID is fake. Yay for looking 16 at my age!
32. Felt an earthquake – Here in the south (Ontario South..not hick vill south) we never get any of that.
33. Touched a snake - No, and I will never!!
34. Ran a red light – Yes. So has JD in downtown H.Dot. OH MY!
35. Been suspended from school – No, good kid, remember?
36. Had detention - shamefully yes.
37. Been in a car accident – yes, a few times. Once I was even on a bike. WOW. Stupid Van driver.
38. Hated the way you look – every day.
39. Witnessed a crime - I wish. I want to go into the Witness Protection program.
40. Pole danced – as a joke with carrie outside my school.
41. Been lost – oh yeah! Me= perpetually lost.
42. Been to the opposite side of the country – no, but flown over numerous times.
43. Felt like dying – yep
44. Cried yourself to sleep - yep
45. Played cops and robbers – No, but once JD gets his police thingee, I will get to play it all the time. I will be living Cops and Robbers. Right now its Mas. Bombadiers and Sargeants
46. Sang karaoke – Nope.
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't – yes, like the time I...wait...never mind.
48. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose - Yes, oddly this happens to me all the time. I hate my friends. Nah, just the ones who make me laugh.
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue - Nope. My mother, bless her heart, told me the old adage about there being deadly toxins and other such poisonous somethings that would get into my system. however, once I made a snoman cookie at christmas and I added a bit of yellow food colouring so it looked like dog pee on the bottom of it. Yep, nothing do to with the question.
50. Kissed in the rain - maybe not the rain, but some sort of water, yes.
51. Sing in the shower – Never. You should hear JD though. Actually, I am surprised you can't.
52. Made love in a park - no.
53. Had a dream that you married someone - yeah, once, a few months ago.
54. Glued your hand to something – No, I don't like things touching my hads that are sticky, gooey, filmy, dirty, etc.
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole – No, but I've witnessed that before.
56. Worn the opposite sex's clothes – No, I am not into that. I might wear JD's tee shirts to bed, or his boxers.
57. Had an orgasm - mais oui.
58. Sat on a roof top – no, I don't think so.
59. Didn't take a shower for a week - Sick, no way.
60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone – I am scared to watch Scary movies period. Dawn of the Dead was the latest.
61. Played chicken – not me, personally, but I was in the car with someone playing chicken.
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on – I was dumped in the lake with my clothes on.
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger- All the time, yes. not really. But I have been told I am hot by strangers.
64. Broken a bone – yep, many. Never a fun thing to do for me. My bones are like...well, I don't drink enough calcium.
65. Been easily amused - maybe, not recently though, so I've forgotten the feeling.
66. Laugh so hard you cry – yeah
67. Mooned/flashed someone - not a stranger. And never mooned. Ew. You don't want to see my butt.
68. Cheated on a test – yes.
69. Forgotten someone's name – No. I'm one one of those psychos that remembers everything.
70. Slept naked – yep.
71. Gone skinny dipping in a pool- ummm...
72. Been kicked out of your house – it was a threat.
73. Blacked out from drinking – passed out, yes.
74. Played a prank on someone – yes. I knew the most wicked people.
75. Gone to a late night movie – yep, all the time.
76. Made love to anything not human- like my cat or something? no...wait you thinking, eh!
77. Failed a class – Religion 101 in University. Yep. I'm THAT good.
78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat – oh gosh, yes.
79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours - not for more than ten hours, no.
80. Cheated on a gf/bf – nope.
81. Ate a whole package of Oreos – GACK! no. Chocolate is not my thing. Fake chocolate is even more not my thing.
82. Thrown strange objects - haven't we all at one point or another?
83. Felt like killing someone – yeah
84. Thought about running away - yep. and I did. One day, I will share that story.
85. Ran away – I guess today is that day. Yes, on my bike, when I was 12, ran out of popcorn, rode my bike home.
86. Did drugs – Yes. AND I love pug dogs.
87. Had detention and not attend it - No. I was always prompt, if not five minutes early, with tons of homework
88. Yelled at parents - yep.
89. Made parent cry - I have no idea.
90. Cried over someone - many times, yes.
91. Owned more than 5 puppies- sick, no, but that question made me think og owning 5 pugs...that was a good thought.
92. Dated someone more than once - like dated and then dumped and then dated again? no never.
93. Have a dog – not that I know of.
94. Have a cat – yes, a shaved tabby, Tilly
95. Own an instrument – yep. A Beautiful turn of the century upright grand, and a keyboard, and the top of a clarinet, and 4 guitars.
96. Been in a band - yep.
97. Had more than 25 sodas in one day – ew, no. I can't even down one can.
98. Made out with a member of the same sex – not telling
99. Shot a gun – yep, not a real one mind you.
100. Been online for more than 5 hours straight – yes

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Much Afraid

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I never knew how difficult teaching would be. I am thinking of early retirement. Has anyone ever retired before age 30? I have a goup of boys who have obviously been infantized as children, constantly talking in their whiny, dramatic baby voices. Baby talk and whininess are two of my pet peeves. These kids are not two anymore. I've decided that there will be no more nice. I will no longer be nice, I will not hand out awards for best behaved. I get a total of ten minutes a day of silence, if that. From this point on, I am going to be the evil teacher that no one wants. This thrills me. I understand, now, why my grade six teacher would break down in tears on a daily basis. My drive home is tear filled. I won't let the kids see it, but I cry. I thought it would be fun to teach my love of literature, and history. These kids have made it difficult for me to even like it anymore. I do, however, like the younger grades. I think the kids look at me as a big sister. They are always hanging on me and making me play hula hoops for recess. I can't hula hoop just for the records.
I took Friday off. It was a nice break, and I got to see JD's family. Unfortunately his grandparents were too sick and requested no visitors, so I ended up going to a football game, and hockey game instead. Throughout the whole football game I had the sun in my eyes, and a mother in law asking me why I was so pale and why I had my winter jacket on, and what was JD doing to me to make me so sick. She's a nut, but I love her. I didn't want to watch the game. I was too cold, not feeling well, and my mind was elsewhere. We spent the afternoon shopping for inscence and looking through this store called The Circle Game. Its kind of a hippy shop, but it has a lot of nice things in it. I wanted to buy the Nag Chompa inscence, but instead we got a combination of Sandal Wood, Apple, and Vanilla sticks. They smell fantastic.
The rest of the afternoon I spent watching Sponge Bob, and Malcom in the Middle with JD and the Wilkinsons (sounds like a country band, JD and the Wilkinsons...he he). The hockey game was interesting. I sat with Natalie, one of JD's sisters, and we read some girl's text messaging. She was sitting infront of us and making her messaging quite obvious to those sitting behind her. Basically that was my day. I wish I could share more, tell how I really feel, but I can't.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Nada Pt. II

1. What time do you get up? Usually 5:30-6:00

2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be? My momma (what an odd lunch that would be), and my favourite aunt, but Iwill have to wait until heaven for that one.

3. Gold or Silver? Platinum. I am not a fan of gold, or silver.

4. What is your favorite TV show? One Tree Hill. And another one, but I can't say it. Its my secret.

5. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Wedding Crashers (each time I saw that, my sister brought a new boyfriend).

6. What did you have for breakfast? nothing, I smelled a plum, does that count?

7. Who would you hate to get stuck in a room with? George W. Bush.

8. What/who inspires you? Anyone who has the will to push through.

9. What is your middle name? Laine

10. Beach , City or Country? I am the ultimate city girl. I love the city. I love fast paced driving, walking, living. I am moving to the country, but above all, I'd prefer the beach :)

11. Favorite ice cream? cherry Garcia. Please, nothing chocolate.

12. Buttered, plain or salted popcorn? the smell of popcorn makes my stomach turn

13. Favorite color? pink and green

14. What kind of car do you drive? Lexus 300 IS (black). I lied.

15. Favorite Sandwich ? Alflafa sprouts and soy butter on flax bread. I lean towards a minimalist, vegan diet.

16. What characteristic do you despise? Patience. Heh. No, I Hate lying.

17. Favorite flower? gerbera daisies, cala lilies, white roses, etc.

18. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Fiji, to the fist annual Fijiean Film Festival. I wouldn't mind the French Riviera either.

19 What color is your bathroom? ummmmmm, cream colour, with blue and pink accents. I DID not decorate.

20. Favorite brand of clothing? Parasuco, AE, anything that doesn't make me look flat chested, or flat assed. RW&Co. is good for the teacher clothes.

21. Where would you retire to? beach house like the one on SOmethings Gotta Give. My retirement is in 40 years. I am counnting down. (8 billion more sleeps).

22. Favorite day of the week? Murshaday. I hate days of the week.

23. Favorite sport to watch? golf, oh and football.

24. Where were you born? in a hospital

25. What did you do for your last birthday? I don't remember. I think I worked. I celebrated on another day.

26. What fabric detergent do you use? Downy

27. Coke or Pepsi? Diet Vanilla Coke

28. Are you a morning person or a night owl? either, depends on the day. Today I was a 2:30 person.

29. What is your shoe size? 9. This is also a secret. Please don't go telling everyone.

30. Do you have any pets? cat Tilly and Smushed peanut butter cup Cheryl

WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Ria, Kitten, Abu (as of late)

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING? AE jeans. They are dark, and emphasize my lack of butt.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX? smile. I love it when anyone's eyes light up when they smile.

WHAT IS THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT? Kutless. Don't even ask about the last cd I made. FRUSTRATING!!

WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE? I love Portugal, right near the ocean, it is just so amazing. My favourite place is the ocean.

WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE? In the mall. Or on a sidewalk when you have to walk by someone. If they smell, blech. I can't stand that. OH!! In church when my stomach is grumbling.


WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY? depends on the situation. I think strong in mind allows you to be strong in body.


WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY? Swinging on the swings with my mom when I was like 3, she used to sing Imagine from Polka dot door

WHAT ANGERS YOU? A lot of things, right that divides, and situations.

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? When people use the wrong word. LIke when Ian said, I am going to deserve this chair for my friend.


FAVORITE RESTAURANT/CAFE/EATERY? Williams, and some nice places in Hess Village

STAR WOULD PLAY YOU? Natalie POrtman, probably. She's quirky.

FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK? Balloonia. I also loved Big Sarah's Little Boots



IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? to heal people. I want to touch someone and they supernaturally become better. Or to fly.



THE SONG THAT DESCRIBES YOU?: "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls

DO YOU PREFER CAT'S OR DOG'S? I dont really like animals except for Pugs and Tilly

WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR? A blanket, school books, an Anthology of 17th Century British Literature, a bungee chord, a bag of clothes, and hand lotion.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DAY? February 29 on leap year


WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? I think all my friends are my best friends. I try not to keep my friends at arms length.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST REGRET? this year....?? heh. Well, I can't say.

WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU SAID? I'll stay with her, you can go home. (To Vicki who was waiting with Ariel because she was sick...long story)

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW? many things. Thinking about my momma, thinking about JD, thinking about the open house my mother is having at her school, thinking about why my desk is so messy, etc.

Sunday, September 25, 2005


University: Western, or U of T
Song: Deliver Me, by David Crowder
Album: Beautiful Letdown, Switchfoot
Movie: {the} Hours
TV Show: One Tree Hill
Actor: Vin Diesel, but not for his acting. JD is convinced he's gay.
College: Seneca
Cook Book: no favourite.
Shampoo: Peppermint and Tea Tree Oil, Paul Mitchell. And anything Matrix.
Store: AE, and RW&Co., and the Gap, and Campus Crew, and....(but I hate shopping)
Starbucks Drink: Vanilla Bean Latte
High School: Assumption
Bookstore: Chapters/Indigo
Clothing store: AE
Smell: Romance, by Ralph Lauren
Sport: golf, and volleyball
Food: greek Salad
Form of art: Impressionist, and oils. I love Monet.
Decade: I am a big fan of the 00's. Since I've lived in the 80's, 90's and now...I'd say the best is now. Better clothes, better hairstyles, better music.
Time to go to sleep: never
City: TO
Magazine: Cosmo, and anything to do with interior design.
Boy besides JD: none. Seriously...none
Band: Switchfoot
Doughnut: Boston Cream (but I never eat doughnuts anymore).
Record Store: Sunrise
Beatles Album: Greatest hits
Method of Birth Control: none.
Kind of Computer: um, yeah I don't know. One with a see through tower, and blue lights, kind of funky.
Little brother: Mine, cause he's cool
Room: Sydney OPera House washroom
Writing utensil: No.2 penicl
Bag: Louis Vuitton


Sunday, September 18, 2005

So I am supposed to update this blog? I guess that is part of the rules right? Ok.....ready
wait for it....wait for it....