Sanctuary: A Vehement Discourse

Monday, January 31, 2005

Lights are on but No One is Home

Addendum
If anyone is taking a trip to the U.S. anytime soon let me know!!! I fell inlove with Sweetpea Antibacterial soap from Bath and Body Works. It's a shame that Canada doesn't have that store. The smell made me happy today for some reason? I like it almost as much as lip gloss. Hmmm, maybe I can order from the internet?

It has been a while since I last blogged. It seems like a while for me anyways. I get so busy and to sit down for a blog post seems to take away my precious time. There has been a lot going on lately (work, meetings, late night get togethers with my team members, etc.) It has been straining. When one gets so busy, one forgets that one's body can't handle a busy schedule like that. I kind of crashed last night. I came home, grabbed my pillow and screamed into it. It felt really good, but I still feel a bit depressed (nothing a little lip gloss wont cure though). It'll pass, I just need a few days to relax.
Anyways, I need to head out, but stay tuned for my Atwood post (Coming Soon to a blog near you).

posted by ria at 8:36 AM | link

Thursday, January 27, 2005

My Cat Doesn't Like My Husband

Last night I had a meeting with those we never speak of (actually it was the leadership of the hosts of the youth confrence I am working with). We were going over the schedule and plans for the weekend (winter wonderland bliss). I am just way to excited for words. I get to do worhsip the whole weekend, plus snowboard!!! Don't worry I will post pictures. I feel like a kid at Christmas, I am counting the sleeps until we leave. YAY!

So I signed into my email today, after forgetting to check it for a couple of weeks. . . 30 new emails to respond to! Lucky for me five of them were junk mail. *Phew*

I could smell Chinese food all night, I couldn't sleep because the smell is so gross. It didn't occur to me that I could wander downstairs and find out where the smell is coming from, nooooo. I had to wait until morning to find my cat licking a plate of Kung Pow Chicken. Stupid cat knows she is not allowed to jump up on the counter but she claims the food was calling her name. Weird thing is, Kung Pow Chicken is like uber hot, I have no idea how she downed it. I hope she doesn't get sick. I know what spicey food does to me.
Anyways, my back is feeling much better, actually it is numb, so I can't really feel anything. It is just my arms that are bothering me now. It feels like tendonitis or something. My wrists ache. (I just had a vision of that asprin commercial "Sally, what's wrong". . . "my wrists are on fire...")
Well, I need to jet. Today is my freaking, super busy day.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Jessica Jessica! Where Have You Been?

I am alittle hopped up on drugs right now. Not the bad drugs, I'm not a crack whore so don't get any ideas. I have drugs to lessen the pain. My back and arms are sore, the past few days have not been fun ones for me. Unfortunately I haven't been able to drown my pain and traumatic sorrow in sticky, chocolatey foods. . .frankly the thought of it makes me sick. I don't know why, but my stomach turns at the thought of any food right now. Is that a symptom of post traumatic stress? Or am I just being crazy? Go on, you can say crazy, I know you are dying to say it.
I went to work today in sweat pants and a hoodie. ROCK ON! I felt like I was five years old again. It was so comfortable feeling five again. No tight, restricting zipper flies, no inseam scratching my legs, no itchy sweater. . . it was like sweat suit heaven.
I think tomorrow is going to be a snow day. I really need to think about moving to Florida or the Bahamas.
If you get the chance to pop into a theatre soon be sure to watch Meet the Fockers. I am not sure how long it is playing, but I had to see it before it went out of the show. Man, that was a really spontaneous movie watching date. Anyways, the movie is hilarious. Everything from a fake boob, to well. . . if I told you, I would ruin the movie. Just watch it. If I laughed, anyone will laugh. Also, The Village. . .wow, that movie made me mad. Not in a bad way though. I loved having to think my way through the movie. The plots and sub plots are just so well done, and the collection of award nominee actors/actresses did an amazing job. I was impressed. Watch it, but keep in mind. . . we can't discuss those we never speak of (but end up speaking of the whole way through the movie).
Umm, I had another movie to put in here but it has slipped my mind. Searching, searching, searching. . . nope, can't find it. Oh well, maybe next time.

This is my sister and her best friend. Karlie (my sister) is the dark haired one, her friend is the blonde one. Just thought I would share. This is a picture taken from Karlie's camera phone. Snazzy, hey?

Balloonia Matthew, where else! (to answer the title question...taken from my favourite child hood book "Balloonia")

Monday, January 24, 2005

Cell Phones and Cars

I am a huge fan of cell phones. I have one, will probably always have one (I want one with the blackberry features. . . or whatever it is called). I fully embrace technology that is cute, especially pink iPods. I also love cars, I think I like cars more than I like pink iPods. However, I hate cell phones and cars together. I detest them actually. Reason being, yesterday late afternoon I was driving out of the area that I live in and onto the busier street. There is a plaza on the busy street which has an exit/entrance located on the not so busy street that I was driving down. I consider myself a very alert driver, I can spot police miles away. Anyways, this driver (who is talking on a cell phone, and so was his passenger) decided to pull out right beside me, hitting my car and sending me flying into a pole. He took off, I didn't get a plate number or anything. I kind of just sat in my car on my neighbours lawn thinking. . .oh dear. I reversed and drove to my destination. I got out to inspect my car, no damage hallelujah, called my mom on my handy dandy cell phone and started to sob. We were all supposed to meet in another city last night where I was playing, so I asked her to bring my make up (my eyeliner was running). That is my accident in a nutshell. I left out a lot of me crying (I need to look tough). Had there not been a snow pile I probably would have knocked over the sign, had a broken windshield and possibly something other than a sore neck and back. I have a deeper appreciation for snow today, and I think that people who talk on phones whilst driving are idiots. If it is an emergency, pull your car over. I became a minor statistic last night. Many have been severly injured and even killed due to ignorant people who talk on their phones. Don't do it. It's that simple. Thankfully I only need to see a massuse (how unfortunate). It could have been much worse, but it isn't, thank God. My life flashed before me, things ran through my head. It is amazing what happens when a bit of trauma hits you. I mean, this little accident was totally minor compared to other things, but psychologically, trauma hits and it makes one think weird things, let me tell you!
I will be in my pjs for most of the day today. YAY!

Saturday, January 22, 2005

The New 'In' Smell

I realized between grabbing a kleenex and going to work, that I haven't blogged for a while. I have been sick. It hits me in the morning during the time I would usually blog. I go to work, and when I come home I feel alright, but my chest is heavy. By like 8:30 I am zonked, and no matter where I am. . . I start to fall asleep.
I have been taking Buckley's Cold and Flu tablets, which worked for the first week. Now I am ending the second week and they don't work so well anymore. I've probably become immune to their ways. Evil Buckley's. I don't think the frigid weather helps much either. I mean -20 degrees? Who lives like that? It's no wonder people are under the impression that we live in igloos.
One bit of relief that I do get is before I fall asleep. I have this amazing Menthol Vicks Vapour Rub. . . it smells like old people but man, does it ever clear my sinuses. I just have to make sure not to sleep on my stomach, that usually makes me start to choke in my sleep. . . yes, another story for another day. It hasn't been a very pleasant experience. Anyways, I haven't been able to read much and do my Margaret Atwood research, so it will have to wait for a bit. Now you are just stuck with sick ramblings. I hope everyone is doing well?
1. What time is it : 9:50 A.M.
2. Name as it appears on birth certificate: Erica Laine Blah blah blah
3. Nicknames: Ekkers, Rica Roo, GG, Dude (my sister calls me dude, I call her Charles), Pasty White Girl and Snowflake (from my brother)
4. Piercing: Ears
6. Eye color: Blue/Grey
7. Place of birth: BGH
8. Favorite foods: Italian, Chinese, Spinach Salad
9. Ever been to Africa: not yet
10. Ever been toilet papering: heh, yes
11. Love someone so much it made you cry: yeah
12. Been in a car accident: yeah, once in a car, once on a bike.
13. Croutons or bacon bits: sick, neither
14. Favorite day of the week: Mondays (the day that I get to sleep before 2AM)
15. Favorite restaurants: Montana's, Perkins, ummm, a really good chicken place in Portugal.
16. Favorite flower: Cala Lily, Gerbera, and Orchids
17. Favorite sport to watch: tennis
18. Favorite drink: at the moment Steamed water with lemon and honey, usually I like orange juice
19. Favorite ice cream: anything with cherries and chocolate chip cookie dough.
20. Disney or Warner Brothers: Disney Pixar
21. Favorite fast food restaurant: Pita Pit
22. What color is your bedroom carpet: beige
23. How many times did you fail your driver's test: none, the woman testing me liked me and said I smelled nice, she knew I was very competent especially after someone on rollerblades rode right out infront of me during the examination.
24. Which store would you choose to Max out your credit card: I maxed my credit card out at L.A. Music, but normally I would do it at American Eagle Outfitters, Mexx, The Gap. . .
25. What do you do most often when you are bored: Bored? I don't get bored.
26. Bedtime: no set time (meaning usually 2AM)
27. Favorite TV shows: Um, Judging Amy (she's pregnant!!), Zoe Buisek, CSI, I don't have time to watch t.v. anymore
28. Last person you went to dinner with: My mother
29. Ford or Chevy? how about Toyota (lexus!!)
30. What are you listening to right now? I am monitoring my breathing at the moment.
31. Favorite color: Pink, Blue, Black
32. Any pets: a cat, Tilly
33. How many tattoos do you have: none
34. Which came first...God or Evolution? God

Just boring stuff for you to read while I get my act together.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Gazuntheit

Is there a cure for chronic sneezing? I am a little bit of a germaphobe when it comes to my hands and I don't find it thrilling to spit in them every few minutes. Help!
I came here to say something, but that something has slipped my mind. It wasn't too important, but something worth mentioning. . . never mind it will come to me.
I just realized as I was putting together a checklist (yes, a checklist for my trip, I have to make a checklist for a checklist. . .and if I don't do it now, it will never get done) that I do n't have winter boots. I have boots that go with my dressy clothes, but I don't own a pair of winter, recreational boots. I have some ski boots, but one can't realy function properly in those for a whole weekend. Remind me to buy boots.
That's it, I'm out. But I have a great blog coming up soon. I have been working on it for a while now. It's all about my beloved Margaret Atwood and a few themes of one of her books (try and guess it). Anyways, *sneeze* I need to leave . . .happy Tuesday!

Monday, January 17, 2005

I Feel Pretty, Witty, and Gay

Have you ever been so angry you want to punch something really hard? Have you ever been so angry at someone that you want to punch them? Welcome to a small part of my world (make yourself comfortable). Probably none of you will know what/who I am talking about. Well. . . if you happen to be a reader of my little black book you might have an idea, but even so, I am not sure I have even mentioned this in the book. Nonetheless, you might have an idea. Don't worry, if you are reading this thinking hmmm, is she talking about me? chances are I am not. If you are reading this thinking it totally isn't me, dude I'd reconsider that thought. Nah, I am just messing with you. This something or someone gets under my last nerve. I really could explode, really. . . I could. This person (just for alittle clarification) is not related to me, and doesn't know anyone I am related to (just so we are clear on that issue to my commenters who like to defend others, no worries. . . it's not about them).
Wow, I am talking in bloody circles here. You don't care, I know. I just need to write about it, get it off my chest, start a new day without thinking about it.
I had a really good cry tonight. I watched Extreme Home Makeover (yes, I was home long enough to watch a little t.v., blog, do my laundry, assure my cat that she is wanted and I am not abandoning her, look outside at the snow and think to myself three more weeks and you are snowboarding down this white stuff baby, and not driving in it)
Oh, another thing. . .I am so excited about this winter wonderland escape trip. Yes, I will turn my cell phone off, leave my hairdryer, make-up, mousse, black shoes, fancy schmanciness of life at home, and live in longjohns and snowpants for a weekend. Winter camping= no bugs, no driving on black ice, NO SHOVELING, hot chocolate (and gigantic Tim Horton's muffins), no pitching tents, warm fireplaces, cozy blankets. . . sigh. I want to scream, I am so excited about this. A moment away. Not a deadline for the whole weekend, not a cellphone ringing, no computer, no "landline phone ringing" <-nice, JD, nice. Bliss, sheer, utter, complete, absolute bliss. I don't care if I come back with frostbite, I will have escaped. And, more realistically, it will prepare me for the bitter harshness of my Tibet move. Wow, I am not to angry anymore.
Anyways, my precious Word Perfect program won't open. I am editing, I need it to open. . . WHA BAM! Gotta jet, need to have this done for tomorrow morning.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Chicken Soup for the Throat

I have eaten soup all weekend, I have been sick all weekend. It isn't a good thing when you are the music leader/director and need to be working at a confrence all weekend. I have been in the beautiful St. Catherines/Niagara Falls area, it has just been a tiring, but interesting weekend. I found out that I get to lead a youth confrence in Parry Sound (wherever the heck that is) at the end of February. Stephy and I are leading and what is super awesome about the trip is we get to ski and snowmobile for hours. Bliss I tell you. I may not be a fan of snow, but when I am locked away at some camp being fed Tim Horton's products all weekend on my snowboard surfing the powder, in my Columbia ski suit (which I looove) I am one happy chick. It really pays to be a music director. I am looking forward to the next year, we have many trips to take. Internationally we are looking at Trinidad/Tobago, Australia and France; Locally we are going to B.C, P.E.I., and Nova Scotia and in the U.S. we are looking at St. Louis, MO, Ashland, VA, and Pensacola, FL. I am so excited. Woot woot.
Anyways, I need to rest my throat, it hurts and I have to sing tonight. Just wanted to update. Oh and I apologize for the blahness and poor grammar used here, my head is stuffed up, my energy level is way down and I am running on a few hours sleep.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Stuff and Something

Congrats to JD on getting the new position. I am so excited for you :) We will do lots of painting.
I have been reading newspapers and blogs that have updates on the Tsunami crisis, it is tragic and I still can't even comprehend that sort of a catastrophe. However, there is good news despite the horrificness, Canada has put a stop to all International adoption fees for the time being. Now rather than paying thousands of dollars in local and international fees, there will only be a local fee. This is great news. I feel terrible for all the orphans and wish that I could adopt a few, but at the moment I can't. If you are in a position do adopt and would like to, I encourage you to contact an adoption agency. What a gift it would be to a child. I am just thrilled.

~I decided to get sick instead of get my hair done. Is there a flu bug going around? Blah.
~At the pet store near my work there are kittens for sale. There is this really cute peach coloured one named Jonas (he has blue, crossed eyes.) I want to buy him. My house needs a kitten.
~need sleep (and it is barely 5P.M.!!!)

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Let the Good Times Roll

just some random things off the top of my head:

~ate cabbage soup with cheese (probably not the best combination)
~rain is a super thing in mid January
~need to buy soda crackers
~Ralph Lauren paint is pretty expensive
~next time I am in the U.S remind me to go to Bath and Body works (or whatever it is called) and buy some Sweet Pea anti bacterial hand soap. I fell inlove with that smell yesterday. Unfortuantely we don't have that store here in Canada (and no The Body Shop does not cut it).
~I am beginning to feel the slight effects of the soup I inhaled.
~I am going away at the end of February (guess who is uber stoked?)
~City of Angels is ranking amongst my favourite movies
~melba toast is my favourite snack
~Melba the cat lady didn't come for coffee today
~Melba toast dipped in Cabbage soup is splendid
~I kind of miss watching Hockey Night in Canada
~I really need to spend more time with certain people
~I am going to be posting about my readings fairly soon. I might make is a series. If you can guess what I will be posting on, I'll give you 5 bucks, maybe ten if you can guess the blog's two fold content
~my phone rings way to often, especially when I am not home. I have accumulated way to many messages in the past week . . . dare I tackle this issue?
~I've been dreaming a lot lately. Only one jolting, cold sweat one though.
~I taught my mother to sing "I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty, witty and gay" when she finds that she is experiencing anger in her awful grade 6 class. Obviously she has never seen Anger Management.
~my chest feels very heavy (the lung part). Does cabbage and cheese cause heartburn?
~I am getting my hair done again tomorrow. Time goes by fast and my hair grows so much. I am putting a bit of black in it. I know this is extreme, but hey. . . when I am old and grey I won't look back saying "I wish I had done this to my hair"
~ I think I might start going by my middle name. . . yes, I think I will.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

I'll Have What She is Having

My head is empty. I always draw a blank right before I blog. Several things go through my mind when I am typing. First, I think of what kind of mood I am in. Second, I think of all the people I know who are reading this. Third, I think of what has taken place through out the course of the time since I last blogged. These things usually help inspire what I am about to blog, but today, today. . . today I am having writer's block. I think I have just been way to busy to sit down and reflect. My head and thoughts are clouded by things that have happened, things that will happen, and my lack of rest. I am also bored, bored with my surroundings. My life is far from boring, heck, it is pretty much a whirlwind of hectic and constant motion. I just need different surroundings, one that isn't so . . . white. I am thinking of painting my bedroom red. I don't know how well that will go over, but red is such a passionate colour. Red is so romantic. Yes, I will paint my room red, and to go along with that I will buy nice, white blankets for my large, black wraught iron bed. Wow, I am feeling better already.
Maybe I will have more interesting things to blog about this weekend, when I get home from Niagara Falls. Oh yes, I believe it.
I am starting to bore myself.


Monday, January 10, 2005

Information Overload

Addendum
I have seen some really good movies as of late. When you find yourself relaxing, take into consideration watching a few of these flicks.
1. Manchurian Candidate: not only does this have Meryl Streep in it, making it to the top in my books, it also has Denzel Washington (woot woot). Things don't appear as they seem. There are a few gross parts that I closed my eyes for, but I totally reccommend it if you like a dramatic thriller.
2. Steel Magnolias: Such an array of great actresses (Julia Roberts, Sally Fields, some others that I don't remember off hand). It's sad, it will probably make you cry.
3. One True Thing: I love this movie. Again, it's a Meryl Streep flick. It will have you crying. I can't watch it anymore, but it is so good.
4. Legally Blonde 2: I am not much of a stupid, ditzy, girl movie kind of person, but I admit I laughed quite often. "Yes, my dog is a flamer!" The plot line is horrendous, Elle tries to save her dog Bruiser's mother so that she can come to the wedding. Turns out Bruiser, the little Chihuahua is gay, he falls inlove with a huge Rotweiler. I laughed, really.
5. The Stepford Wives: This is not a typical girlie movie. The eighties version was better, but hey...I like Nicole Kidman, and she does exceptionally well in this movie.
"do-see do". . .
hmmm, I can't think of any other movies worth watching at the moment. I am also not a very good movie critic. Just watch them, that's all :)

Sometimes I feel like my computer. When I am sitting at my computer I am doing a number of things all at once. Usually I open Word Perfect because I am editing something for someone, I put on some music, open up a messenger service and talk to a few people and have my blog window open in case I have something interesting to write. That is a lot of windows, and a lot of things for my brain and computer to do all at once. Do you ever have moments where you feel like you are doing so much at once, not just at your computer but in real life? I overwork my computer and it starts giving me the signal that I am abusing it. It might crash, or start processing things slowly which becomes extremely frusterating especially when I am in the middle of hanging up a dangling participle. Life, as we know it, is like that. Things get thrown at us all at once, we have too many windows open, the music is blaring and it irritates so much that when someone has bad English it throws you into a tail spin all day. Exhaustion takes over.
I enjoy being busy, I enjoy different experiences with different people in many diverse situations, but there comes a point when, like my computer, I start to act very slowly or even send out crash signals. Today I felt like that. I overbooked myself. I had two engagements at similar times. Unfortunately one I couldn't get out of and the other put someone out. Life is busy.
As I get older I have more responsibility. I work for a ministry that keeps me on my toes everyday. I love it, but sometimes I just want to sign myself out, log off, run away.

I have been doing a lot of reading lately. Call me a nerd but, I have been reading the Harbrace English book. Reading grammar books gets me really excited. Anyways, it teaches up to dat MLA syle and . . . it is just really exciting to read. I am also reading a few other books (normal books). Alice Munro is another of my favourite authors; I have been going through a couple of her books. Blah blah blah . . . I am boring tonight, I know. My eyelids are shutting, I have had way to much to process today. Need to sleep.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

One Year

I have a lot on my heart today. I don't know where to begin, or even if I should. I find that sometimes when I lay my feelings on the line, especially in this blog, they get trampled on. I don't feel like putting myself through that tonight. I feel like sharing, but cautiously.
My blog is now a year old. It is a weird feeling having blogged for a year. I didn't think I would make it. I thought that this would be a silly fad that would die out within a month or so. I found a lot of peace when I blogged though. I felt I could spill my soul. I knew people read it, but it didn't bother me too much. I let myself be vulnerable with this blog at times. Tonight might be one of those times. I am glad for this outlet. One where I can share my idea on education very openly, one where I can talk about liking Nietzsche and Rousseau without a care, one where I can lay it on the line and not even caring that my friends or even professors know how I am struggling. I just enjoyed sitting ata computer and typing for my own pleasure rather than crazily trying to produce an A+ paper.
As I sit here tonight, not having to worry about my British Novel essay, or Medieval Lit paper, I am wondering how I can pour out my heart tonight. I am wondering how I can even put together my thoughts in an eloquent manner.
Anyways, I would just like to lay my head down and think, just for a few moments. Grab onto a thought and hold it. Things are spinning right now, and I look fine, I can compose myself no problem, but inside I am like freaking out. Don't worry, it's not a bursting, freaking out which will end up harming anyone or anything. It is just moments where I need answers, but they aren't coming.
I wish that I could feel God, I wish that he could just hug us sometimes. I wish he could just be my Abba father today. I wish I had of packed to move to Tibet long ago.
I miss a lot of people today. I want to cry. I really miss being a kid, not having to make hard decisions, not having to worry about how I look, not worrying about anything. Life is getting intense. There needs to be a pause button, oh don't I wish.
I decided, well with the help of JD, that I would create moods (as you will see on the side bar). There is this website called Unky Moods, and they provide creative, cartoon drawings of all different kinds of moods. JD thought I should make my own using a web cam. So, we sat down and created a tonne of them. I am just wondering right now which mood I should choose.


Friday, January 07, 2005

So I Say to Myself "Self", and I Knew it Was Me Because I Recognized My Voice

I visited with my brother last night. We usually have these long confession talks. "Oh you did weed too...ha ha ok, I won't tell mom!" (not really like that, but you get the idea). So last night my brother was telling me his plans for the next 6 years of his life. I just want to say that I have the coolest brother ever. I am so proud of him.
He is graduating at the end of this sememster, and for a while he never knew what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. His girlfriend is going to medical school (I think that is what she said) and he just never knew what he wanted to do. Anyways, he is applying at Holland Institute in Prince Edward Island. This is a very pretigious culinary institution. The course he is taking will be about three years, and then he is going to get his buisness degree, and taking a year to go to Bible school. He wants to start his own restaurant. He is into fine dining and he makes these awesome meals. It is funny though, my bathroom has issues of Cosmo, IKEA catalogues and Laura Ashley Catalogues... my brothers bathroom is full of recipies. One magazine in particular "Grandma's Favourite Dishes" made me laugh so hard. Anyways, I have never really written anything about my brother yet. He is the one I get along with most, we have one of those loaded relationships: you tell on me, and I will make sure I tell on you for things you have done months back. We are friends now, it is great. I am just super proud of him.
I also want to say: I like coming up with creative titles that don't necessarily reflect what has been written. So in case you were wondering in the past and even now why my titles are so (creative, interesting, cute, amazing) obscure...it's just because I like to keep the creative juices flowing.
Oh and while I am at it, apparently the other day was de-lurking day (or something like that) Where the lurkers get to actually comment and say hello... If you lurk on this blog, feel free to say hi, introduce yourself. Maybe I will give away door prizes.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Stolen From my Pal Scott

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
-Umm, gained an instant family (one and a half children and all....thanks JD)

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
-I don't remember making any resolutions. I am not the resolution type. I made a few for this year, yes.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
-yes, my friends are breeding machines. Oh and a 12 pound cousin named George. He's fat.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
-yes

5. What countries did you visit?
-none, I stayed local this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
-stability and peace

7. What date(s) from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
-several things happened this year that are note worthy. Many happy times and many not so happy times. I don't want to share because the important dates need explanation. I am not in the right frame of mind for explanations right now.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
-got healthier (like I said...this year has sucked...unlike other years)

9. What was your biggest failure?
-uh...well...I don't like this question.

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
-yep. No worries though, I am getting better :)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
- well I paid of a semester of University education, and I bought a keyboard (it is really nice)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
-my sister's. She decided that (by the end of the year) she was going to be more mature. Props to you little dude!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed?
-I can't name just one person, but a few people have displayed behaviour that is not to classy.

14. Where did most of your money go?
-tuition, car, The Gap, American Eagle Outfitters, Club Monaco...heh

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
-making a cd. We have the first copy all done and now it just needs polishing. I like being a musician.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
Dancing with the Angels, and One Way (both for different reasons)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? mixed emotions
ii. thinner or fatter? thinner
iii. richer or poorer? richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
-relaxing and sleeping (shallow I know)

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
-obsessing over dumb things

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
-with family

21. How many one-night stands?
-heh *phew* ummm...

22. What was your favorite TV program?
-the final season of Friends

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
-I don't hate anyone

24. What was the best book you read?
-Passage to India

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
-A Perfect Circle

26. What did you want and get?
-ummm hmm I got lots of stuff. I don't know (Scott, did you make these questions up?!)

27. What did you want and not get?
-Lexus IS 300 (a black one)

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
-{the} Hours, of course...anything with Meryl Streep.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
-I went out during the day, had quite a trip in a golf cart with my mother...the story is hilarious. I am not going to retell it, if you don't know it...just ask. I turned the age that you were when you were my age. (Sorry, I tend to keep my age private).

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
-gaining personal control over an area in my life.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
- I am preppy. I always have been, this will never change. I added a more bohemian look to my wardrobe as well as a buisness-y look (lots of black...black goes with everything, I could live in black). I am sort of eclectic. I shopped a lot at American Eagle (does that help?)

31. What kept you sane?
-what keeps anyone sane? JD, if I answer this question the way you want me to answer this question I could get myself into a lot of trouble here. Music keeps me sane.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
-the always beautiful, effervescant Meryl Streep

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
- the elections both here and in the US

34. Who did you miss?
-my school friends- the one's that I didn't get to see, Shar-near the end of 2004 she passed away, I miss her a lot. That's about it, everyone else I have kept in contact with, no one has moved away or anything.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004?
- i guess to take everything one step at a time, even if you think it is going to be a slow process...admire the beauty in everything, hold onto the joy certain moments and certain people bring to your life, remember how people laugh, remember what makes them laugh. I learned a lot in 2004...a lot.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Photos
Here are a few pictures. I decided to post these instead of type. My hands are (as usual) cold, posting pictures is easier than typing. I also have to proof read a twenty page essay by tomorrow afternoon, such fun. My mind is elsewhere.

A Koala bear in Australia


Kids I babysat in Portugal (Charity, Anna, Xano, Me)


Lisbon, Portugal (I sneezed while taking this picture)


A Castle in Portugal


Kate and I kissing a war memorial statue in Australia


Getting one of my ESL students in Portugal to do my homework for me


I worked in a library in Portugal, one day a kid decided to climb the shelves...this is what happened.


My all time favourite. Carrie looking all smart in her cap and gown (I think this is why I was laughing).


Carrie at Lake Huron


Me, at Lake Huron


The Mediterranean






Monday, January 03, 2005

Comfort
I sit in my nice, comfortable home, in my nice, comfortable clothes with my nice, comfortable family. Perfect picture, I know. It makes me sad to think that there are thousands of other people wishing they could be doing the same thing tonight. Yet again, the world is hit with such a devestating tragedy. I have been reading of the damage caused by this tsunami wave and the reports are horrific. In Indonesia alone over 45, 000 people have perished. There is a total of 80, 000, if not more by now, dead. I read the British paper everyday and there was a section devoted to memorialize those who have died. Honeymooners, vacationing families, poor families living in huts along the coast of Sri Lanka...each leaving behind mourning families. Why?
Restoration. We need this more then ever before. Healing, reviving, restoring, each representing such an integral part of life. When we are sick we seek any means possible for our healing. When we are lifeless we seek reviving. When we are broken we seek restoration. If only it were easy. If only we could turn back the hands of time, erase the devestating silence and live life like it was meant to be lived. Now we are just left to hold the mourning, and comfort the broken. Even thinking on a smaller scale, aside from the disaster that recently occured, we have people in our own lives who have faced, and are facing disasters of their own. We need to be lifting these people up in prayer, we need to be speaking words of comfort and encouragement. I hope this doesn't sound cheesy. I really mean it.

P.S.~ Carrie, I am sorry I didn't blog about the lovely, but expected thongs you bought me, or the Princess candies...or the romantic movie we went to see (our belated Christmas date). I know I told you I would. I will, no worries :) Oh and by the way...I am a love inferno (according to the hole I keep landing in...and that sounds a tad bit weird...the key chain thingee....ok..and I will put my foot in my mouth now).

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Restoration
I have been pondering a serious resolution for the coming year. I like to just spend time in this spot I created that is only mine, where I can go and think. I often talk to God, consider the day, cry, write, etc. This time I went to reflect and consider the new year. I am not sure about anyone else, but this past year for me has been exhausting and not so positive. Positive has happened, yes, but the overall was just kind of sad. It was a year of learning through hardship. It was a year where I found myself hanging on by a thread. Yes, I admit, I did not want to continue life. I didn't want to end it myself, but I did not want to continue. There were nights I prayed desperately that God would take me, take my sickness, take everything. It was a year of questioning. From the very start I questioned. I had two people close to me pass away and I questioned. I left school because I couldn't continue in the physical state I was in, and I questioned. I watched every bit of my family fall apart and I questioned. I had a lot of questions and less answers. It was frustrating. Very.
I was walking though the mall recently and noticed a kiosk. It advertised furniture and half was reupholstered. It showed the before and after. For some reason this image stuck in my head. I returned home, sat down and again considered the past year. The word that kept running over and over in my head was 'restoration', and these pieces of furniture were just images that I could relate to this word.
Restoration is such a deep word. It represents change. Change (according to a recent McDonald's commercial) is good. I embrace change. Now that I've gotten used to the idea that change happens, I welcome it wholeheartedly. I want change in my own life. I want restoration in my own physical being. I know that the events of 2004 can never change, they have happened. Sadly, many things have still an affect now, a deep affect. However, there can still be restoration.
I'm not sure where to go with this. I guess this is just my heart for the coming year. I hope it isn't wishful thinking. Oh how we need to be restored (our faith, our health, our emotions, etc.)
When hope is lost I'll call you Saviour
When pain surrounds I'll call you healer
When silence falls You'll be the song within my heart

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Dear Little Black Dress,
Thank you for such a wonderful evening. I am so glad we found our way to each other. It was our destiny, and you proved to be quite successful. I am proud of you, but sorry that I couldn't wear you to your fullest potential. Maybe someday, I am doubtful, but we'll cross our fingers. I just want to say that I loved how you sparkled when light hit at a certain angle, it made me realize that you were the dress for me. I hope you feel the same way and we can go out again.
With Love,
Moi

So I rang in the new year with quite a bang. Wha bam! I had an absolute blast but started to feel a tiddly bit sick closer to the end of the night so I decided to come home and drink lots of milk. I am not much of a party girl, and so staying up late late and talking and laughing and "merry-making" with people is not really my idea of fun. I started to fall asleep. I really did have a nice night though. I found out that some people we know are expecting a baby in July (around my birthday, oddly enough). Babies are cute, I can't picture this couple with one, but hey...
Oh, and incase you were wondering...I got rid of my arm hickey. After sucking it to rid myself of a permanent marker stain I went and put ice on it an then warm water on a cloth, back and forth for about half an hour. Anyways, I hope that you all enjoyed bringing in the new year (even though Regis Philbin hosted the big night). My hopes are that this year bring joy and laughter when you feel the void, tears and friends when you need them most, celebration and thanksgiving. Here's to 2005.
Oh and congrats to my cousin Dana who just delivered a 12 pound baby boy! You just made my desire for children, childbirth and any such thing totally disappear! Congrats nonetheless ;)